I was approached by a parent with two children of marriageable age who needed my help. The children had asked why they shouldn't marry outside of their community, and the parent didn't know how to respond. I provided the following answer:
Every community has its own customs, behaviors, and lifestyles, including food habits and tastes. Some of these customs differ greatly between communities. For example, in North India, it is customary for a woman to cover her head as a sign of respect to elders in the family. However, in many South Indian communities, covering the head is not required and is even considered inauspicious.
In traditional societies, marriage is not just a relationship between two individuals, but between two families. When a person from a different community is brought into a community, these customs can cause problems. While these differences can be overlooked or compromised during the excitement of getting married, they can become serious issues in daily life. Additionally, a person from a different community may not value one's customs, which can put the relationship at risk. As marriage is a lifetime commitment, we prefer to marry within the community to avoid these risks.
The main factor here is avoiding risk. By doing so, Indian/Hindu communities have maintained the institution of family for centuries.
Nowadays, communities have taken on a new definition. There are profession-based communities, such as those of doctors or bureaucrats. Marrying within these communities but outside of traditional communities based on language, religion, and caste can reduce friction, but not eliminate it entirely. This is because a person enters a profession-based community only in their twenties, but has been part of their traditional community since childhood. Therefore, marrying within the traditional community is still important to avoid risks.
If the children want to marry outside of the community, my suggestion to their parents is to not be too hard on them. Try to convince them against it if they haven't made a final decision, but don't fight too hard to stop the marriage. Doing so could leave everyone feeling bitter, regardless of the outcome.
<Text quality improved by Grammarly>
